Monday, December 26, 2016


This appeals and perhaps even applies to me today more than any day in my life so far!

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Increasing Entropy!

I'm not in a state to (actually in no mood to) comment upon the correctness and entirety of this write-up (I would have at least tried to some other time!) - "Entropy Explained, With Sheep!" It's nevertheless well-written in a way that can explain Entropy to a layman! My favourite parts here are - "...a macroscopic irreversibility arises from microscopically reversible parts" & "...everything interesting that has ever happened (and ever will happen) was a consequence of this unlikely beginning."

Though I say, I'm in no mood to comment, I sense from the beginning there is something seriously wrong with the write-up at some parts (which abruptly group up to arrive at a conclusion). Especially where it says - "...Our universe will have hit peak entropy." So I force myself to comment here. The Universe, I believe is NOT so stupid to wait until it hits that peak entropy and die altogether after the so-called googol years of time! It can well balance itself in can balance itself as a sum of parts to maintain the integrity of its whole.

Going nowhere!

Thursday, December 15, 2016


Laudable technology, this one - "Turning e-waste into gold"!
SMaRT - Sustainable Materials Research & Technology!

Monday, December 12, 2016

Middle way and half-truths!

I like it when it's said, "The truth lies some where in middle"...and I often find myself agreeing with it...Life tends to throw more such situations than those where the truth is at the extremes!

The truth itself might lie somewhere in middle, but there's no middle way for truth...

There's no such thing as half-truth, as per me. An entity whose half is a lie can never be true. Either it is true or it isn't! No middle way there!

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Things didn't work out because...

It seems things don't work out for a reason. I don't know as yet...

Saturday, December 10, 2016


It seems The Future Is Always Here, but I'm still trying to find my inner balance through small things. The following thought resonates so much with me now...

"The simplest way to bring balance to your thoughts and emotions is unwavering commitment to something."

                                                                                       - Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016


Brings a smile on my face, every time I share it with people...

Readers who don't understand Telugu, please excuse yourselves from this joke!

Saturday, December 3, 2016

When to let go...

I think we let go when we become capable of letting it go. It's more about oneself than what the other person did or did not do.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Saturday, November 26, 2016


Respect - you lose it when you ask for it. Sometimes perhaps even empathy, compassion, love...

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Stunts that make you say yayy!!!

Now here's a programme called "Super 2" on a Telugu channel. I don't follow it much, but today (infact just now) as I happened to stumble upon that moment of the stunt (somewhere around 30:20), I instantaneously understood what the stunt was all about. I could very much relate to the stunt as if it were one of those real-life problems where people are often required to compete amidst moving targets and dynamics!

As I saw Amulya completing the stunt, I was really like - "Yayy! That was actually done!?!..!!!" When Madalsa and Amulya later swapped their roles to Puller and Skater, I was a little disappointed that the stunt remained incomplete. When the results were discussed I understood that no pair (from amongst three pairs) actually completed the stunt two-way. I later checked if the episode was kept on youtube and was really surprised that it was kept online so fast (almost immediately after the streaming of the episode on TV). I quickly browsed through how other pairs performed and felt it was more fun to watch the first two pairs in fact!

Adventure is fun any watch at least, if not to experience it first-hand!

When time doesn't heal!

When I wrote this piece - "Only time can heal!", I made this mistake of generalising the situation - the pitfall most of us fall into! I overlooked one of those exceptions to this case (such exceptions could be many, so I might as well say - I overlooked the other side of the coin) - when people don't heal with time, for they subconsciously fear that the memories they treasure/cherish would fade away in case they heal with time.

When people lose something, yet when they are not ready to lose their connection with that loss, they accept grief and stay unhealed. This piece explains such a situation pretty well - "The People Who Can't Stop Grieving".

Monday, November 14, 2016

Friday, November 11, 2016

Hard, Harder, Hardest!

What is even harder is to wait when you do NOT know why you are even holding on to it and what is that "impossible" thing you are waiting for.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016


If you don't risk everything, you risk even more! It's worth the risk when 'everything' becomes 'nothing'! 

Friday, October 28, 2016

Monday, October 24, 2016

Monday, October 17, 2016

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Only time can heal!

I've been wondering why I keep receiving all that pain looking for "little" empathy from people. And then I realize that actually nobody had the capacity to give me that empathy or whatever little warmth I was looking for. It's their incapacity, not their fault. What nobody can heal, time can matter how big the wound is. If I have to pass on some piece of wisdom to the next generation, it would be this - When you are in pain and if it doesn't heal despite all your effort, give it some time, not your thought and energy! No amount of justifying it, externalizing or even internalizing the blame would help. The culprit - you or the other or the situation - will eventually let itself out.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Sunday, October 2, 2016

The space in between!

The author of this article (on "Docker") makes his case on how automation would complement human skills. I quote below the second para from that article.

"Contrary to the belief of folks who live in the fear that "machines will overtake the world!", I believe that machines and automation will actually make the world better, efficient and exciting to live in. Even if that were NOT the case, the solution would be NOT to fear, but step up your game and get ahead of machines (Do you have another option?). So regardless, I feel we should embrace technologies with optimism and view machines as complementing human skills."

My focus is only on that particular para and NOT on the rest of the article which completely discusses Docker. I didn't want to disturb the theme of that article by leaving a comment would seem entirely out of place I'm writing it here.

I think that particular fear of machines overtaking the world is outdated. Perhaps it belongs to the break of millennium...some time during 2000. Or maybe some people are STILL living in that fear and I don't know. But there is a problem that bothers me and others who share my ideas (about this particular aspect). Machines might well be complementing or even extending human skills, but it is human lives and human psyche that are being altered by machines to a point of no return.

With the advent of computers, our goals have changed so much. So so much! Our professions have been altered greatly. A job is not just a job, it's at least 10 hours going into it. Keeping sleep-time aside, more than half of the time you are awake is spent on your job. The way we are engaging our time has changed greatly. Even keeping aside the jobs, the patterns of our lives have been altered greatly - the kind of goods and services that are produced, the way they are produced and consumed, the way we derive entertainment in our lives, the way we spend our leisure (if it exists at all), the way we are interacting with people around, the way we are interacting with nature - all these have changed so much...and those are just to list a few and the list could go on.

Nevertheless, change is inevitable and if the advent of computers has brought in such a big change, the onus on humans is to embrace it, not resist it, I agree. There's really no control because the pattern of growth is all so distributed and if within just two decades the world has moved on such a high pace and brought us here now, we have no choice but to accept the challenge. There are no fixed anchor points to exercise control on and streamline the growth the way we want and that's the real problem.

Our needs have changed. Our endeavours, our aspirations have changed and so did our dreams and passions. Our relationship with our spouses and our families have changed and so did the equations with our society. And let me not even talk about how our connection with nature has changed. This somehow comfortably seems to have been forgotten. And nobody even cares to see what impact this whole system of automation has on Earth.

Can you even imagine something like this - when you prepare your Project Specs can you think of dedicating a section on what costs, what burden that project places on Earth (and it's resources)? Come on, think of it, may be automation is making life easy for man*, but maybe it places a ten-fold burden on Earth and taking forward that project could mean a very bad trade-off? (if this particular factor of "Costs on Earth" is taken into account). Looks like, the ideal destination of automation would be to make this world a group of spaces each harbouring a Rube Goldberg machine and what more, it can also be aimed to make this world itself as One Such Huge Rube Goldberg machine!

To start with, it was to accomplish something for human comfort, then it's to accomplish something simple through complicated means...later it's "something for nothing" and now it can perfectly evolve to be "everything for nothing!" Now, that sounds like a perfect destination!

If one reads closely, what we (the bothered lot) think about machines and technology, one can see that we are NOT making a case AGAINST technology. We are worried about man, not as much about technology. We are actually worried that man is becoming a bad master of his own creation wherein he is allowing technology to corrupt a part of his self and taking great strides towards corrupting his self entirely. It is not at all about machines overtaking the world or something like that. By saying that we need to step up our game and get ahead of machines**, the author there is placing a lot of power on machines, as if they are a separate breed, a separate race to compete with, while after all the machines and technology are man's pets! They need to be tamed and domesticated well, not let loose wild! I can't understand why the creator would ever have to compete with his creation to stay ahead of it!

Why is it that any discussion that focuses on a certain problem, say here the side-effects of technology, always gets dragged to one side or the other? Like, one is either for or against technology but can be no where in between! We are not living in a black and white world, are we? There's a lot of space in between***, I hope!!!


*It doesn't as far as I'm concerned. Because a life wasted doesn't become an easy life, but let's just assume so, that automation makes life easy, for this case in point.

**And we don't have a choice other than that? Really?

***Most of the random talks at home spiral into such debates and I'm really tired of it. Thank God, I quit FB, otherwise it would have been a hell of a virtual forum for me!

For instance recently, in response to the Indo-Pak strikes, I was just passing a comment saying the real problem is that a good portion of people in Kashmir are not happy with the identity of belonging to India and pat comes the response - "Oh! Did they come and tell you they are not happy?" Why would they come and tell me, they are telling it through their acts to the whole country! There's no awareness of the whole history - the problems during partition, the way Kashmir was integrated into India, Article 370, separate constitution for J&K, their unwillingness to accept laws that are common to the rest of India (even the recent GST and laws related to civil servants' allocation) and to top it all, this recent happening - the ideological popular support shared by a large segment of Kashmir and Pakistan towards Burhan Wani - which shows there is an identity crisis and a sociological conflict in J&K. There's no interest to know when that history is shared, but again pat comes the response to make a statement that would badly offend me - "Oh! So you mean Pakistan can carry on all those attacks?" But when did I imply that? I was just trying to say there are certain problems that are hard to be resolved, yet only a compromise from both the sides is needed, failing which this will go on forever or end in a war. Why is it that the person who talks about a problem is dragged to one side or the other? There's a lot of space in between, if only one could see!

Thursday, September 29, 2016


After my last post - "Sense" - I wanted to immediately follow it up with a post on Shiva. I wasn't totally clear on all that I was to write about, but something was brewing inside me and it just needed some expression. Yet, I was not feeling sufficient at that moment to get it out, so kept this post on hold ..... until now, ofcourse. Even now, I'm not clear what is it exactly that I want to write about, but I feel ready now and I hope my conscience would flow freely through my words. Even I'm curious to know what part of this infinite subject is willing to be worded out.

The word "Shiva" evokes different interpretations from different people. I don't intend to write about my interpretation about Shiva here explicitly now, because I guess, ever since 2012 I've already been writing about Shiva whenever I was talking about happiness, man and society, self, evolution, regulation, time, karmic debt, disaster, void, energy, man and woman, marriage, part and whole etc. I was not talking about Shiva explicitly of course, but in hindsight, I can see I was writing all that content, being in the state of 'Shiva' myself...some of it while I was in the state of 'Shava' though. Of course, not just ever since 2012...but ever since I'm born I must have been in the 'Shiva' state, going by that interpretation that "Shiva is all that is!" Just that, only since 2012, I woke up to know that I have been in that state, until when suddenly one day I flipped to the other state, the 'Shava' state!

I don't recall when exactly that 'Shiva' -> 'Shava' flipping happened. But the 'Shava' -> 'Shiva' flipping...I think I'm completely aware of it. The transition happened during Sep 24 - Sep 26 (2016). This transition was very clear because now I'm able to perceive my pure self! Yayy!!! Yes, you heard it right, I'm able to experience that joy of being my pure self again! Over the past 4.5 years, I tried a number of times, to take stock of the process that was happening to me, but it remained elusive, because back then I was still experiencing that process which I wanted to take stock of...which I tried to make sense of! It isn't that I failed entirely then. I was partly able to put things into perspective and derive some direction for the journey further.

Oh, now don't assume that I'm able to perfectly put everything - all that happened - into perspective. In fact, now I don't sense the need to put anything into perspective. I don't feel the need to search for any further inputs and find a direction to move ahead. I just want to breathe calmly and draw in the joy of my existence. I think this was exactly what I have been waiting for. Remember? I said in my last post that I was waiting for 'something'. Yeah, I think that 'something' has finally arrived, it is THIS - My pure self! :-) Touch wood, let me just hope that this transition lasts and that there is no retreat to old phases.

This means a lot to me. I guess, I ceased to be my pure self since Jan 2012. I had some 'self', but that wasn't my pure self. So now, a random reader would be bogged by this reference to 'pure self' coming up again and again. So let me give my interpretation for this term. When one's soul is the sole guardian of one's consciousness, then that self is a pure self. The soul might still be taking inputs from other entities (as it normally would) but the other entities would not directly control the consciousness, one's soul must definitely serve as the intermediary and mediate between the consciousness and other entities. When other entities (external energy/consciousness/soul) directly affect the consciousness while one's soul remains passive, then that self ceases to be a pure self.

When a person undergoes Awakening process, that person is no more in the 'pure self' state! A part cannot awaken to the awareness of the whole in its pure self state. One cannot be one's pure self and yet experience other self. It is only one thing at a time. When one's soul remains passive, a part of one's identity is suppressed.

A reader who frequents my blog would find that I frequently bring up the talk on occurrence of PoE. But, I knew it pretty well, all along, that it wasn't PoE that I have been waiting for (though I'm sure I'd be in all awe of it and the transition aftermath, when it happens). PoE is such a big event...Earth and Humanity as a whole have a higher stake in such an event, than I as a person would have in it. So, what good is it if I just keep waiting for it? My stake in the event is as good as anybody else's. It is related to the Time of the Earth, so if it should happen now or later is the call of the Universe, of the Earth and of the Humanity as a collective force.

Until now, in this post, I've been referring to 'Shiva' as an aspect of the Universe. Now let me refer to this term as the deity Shiva. As I had mentioned before in my blog/book, I was not a Shiva devotee until 2012. Back then, I never even chanted his name while generally praying to the entity called God. To me, God was Narayana (Lord Vishnu). It's not that I did not like praying to the rest of the Gods, I just stayed oblivious of them. When the Awakening process started, I started getting aware of Shiva - both as the deity and as an aspect of the Universe (both the Saguna and the Nirguna form, the Saguna form was experienced first). Even as I continued on that path, for a long time I definitely felt that this deity is perhaps being overrated. Like, he is treated as both the Beginning and the End of the Universe...that he is everything - both the good and bad, the light and darkness, even the part and the whole. I used to be can one deity be so many things, looks like he has taken all the power of the Universe, hoarding it without sharing it with others. There is certainly an air of enigma and mystery that surrounds Lord Shiva, I felt. The general perception is also that people cannot understand Shiva easily and that he is beyond the normal grasp and that it requires a lot of soul evolution for one to reach even the tip of understanding of what is Shiva. I was pretty comfortable being a Vishnu devotee until then and experiencing the awareness of Shiva was NOT easy for me initially. Not at all.

Every aspect of me was challenged, the core of my being was shaken and I had to shed many layers of my self and transform myself at many levels. Many ideas, which I once took for granted, were debunked. I slowly started understanding why Shiva devotees are so madly, so passionately in devotion with Him. Shiva is Antarmukhi and He mostly dwells on Himself within Himself. In that sense, He is perhaps the most selfish and self-centred entity. And if there is only One Self available for one's reference, then what more can One do other than being Self-Centric?!? And when one is devoted to Shiva, a Narcissist, one cannot help but be deeply passionate in their devotion, because they are devoted to one who is passionate about Himself. The lore on Shiva reflects this - the mad devotion people have for Him.

This is perhaps only a very minor reason behind such a mad devotion. But the most important aspect about Shiva is that He remains in the background and facilitates you to be yourself in the purest form. He never interrupts the evolution of a self, yet bears the collective Karma. Now come to think of this, one bears the collective burden yet does not interrupt the individual evolution and only facilitates one to unleash one's ultimate potential, now what can be more noble than that? Of course, I described it very superficially and there is definitely more to managing Karma...and I myself don't know completely about it. Being the One who manages Karma, redeems Soul, enables Recreation and ultimately facilitates the flow of Time, Shiva no doubt evokes mad fervour in those who are inclined to Him.

I can go on and on, but I know I will get lost. I already am...looks like that. I don't know where to start and how deep to get into. So I will stop here. The day before I wrote my last post "Sense", I listened to this song on Shiva and I was like - "What is this song? Lyrics are good, but it feels like a concoction of noises, an absurd mixture of different tunes! There seems to be no integrity of music flowing through the song..." But actually that's what He is, a Whole who bears the concoction of evolution of His parts. No wonder, I inadvertently started liking the song after listening to it a couple of times. My mind perhaps perceived an integrity, which it couldn't before.

Ah well, not that He would just bear the mere concoction of parts. He regulates too, to safeguard His Self that flows through His parts. We only get to see the bearing aspect of Shiva. It's very rare to get to see the regulating aspect of Him...very rare...happens at the end of time cycles. And a very rare generation of humans get to see/experience it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed to see if our generation makes it to become one such!

Sunday, September 25, 2016


Why should it all be so complicated? I mean, so very complicated! Why should this whole process be so painful and challenging at all levels? Why should every cell and tissue within me croak with pain? Why should I be required to solve such a puzzling ambiguity and dilemma? Why should I be mindful and attentive all the time to obtain the answers I need? Why should I be going through such an emotional roller-coaster ride when no living force in the Universe cares to respond to me? Why all this? What am I in anticipation of?

It is often said, especially while emphasising the greatness/selflessness of a mother, that the process of delivering a child is the most painful thing. And also that, despite going through all this, a woman doesn't hesitate to embrace motherhood again! I don't know about this pain as I haven't experienced it myself, but I assume a woman has her triggers to embrace such pain - be it the bliss of love from her partner, be it the sense of pride, responsibility and liberty motherhood bestows, be it how motherhood fulfils womanhood, be it the love she wants to give and take from her children, be it adhering to societal norms, or be it nature just being at its work to procreate and carry the creation further and the woman just surrendering to the nature's wand...all without her individual call.

Now, what is it that which merits this excruciating pain I am undergoing? And it's not a one-time pain, it doesn't end in few hours. It doesn't end even within nine months. I don't even know when this is going to end. If some God in the form of an enlightened person comes along and at least says - "Look! This is going to end after two years", I'll be happy. Ten years? Even then I might be ok. But this whole uncertainty of when this is going to end, is making this process all the more painful.


So, all that thought process was yesterday. It happened yesterday! Like, I was crying, "Come on! Somebody say something! Damn you, God and Goddess! You can't be so ruthless! So unkind! You make me aware that you are there, through the pain that you give me everyday, through the wisdom you give me at times, yet you behave as if you don't exist! I don't even have the comfort of assuming that this world is Godless. At least then, I could take a call. I would not wait for anything then. I would either die or surrender to the whole thing and be paralysed or resist this whole thing and take some medicines this Science offers, for a temporary relief at least, if not as a long term solution. I'm not able to kill myself anyway, but if I allow them to, this void and negative energy spiralling within at least can give me a brain stroke, so I can die later. But this awareness you gave me would not let me do that. You made me know that all this can be processed! All this process, all this pain, all this waiting, does not make any sense anymore. Yet, I remember the sense it once made and that's the whole problem!"

"This waiting for 'something' to happen, is tiring me. And what can be more painful than waiting for something, when you don't know what that 'something' is, except that you definitely know that 'that something' has not happened yet. I wish I be ignorant of all the awareness I gained. What should I be doing with this awareness? What the hell should I be using this 'awareness' for? I'm all agitated with people, I don't even behave peacefully with people to claim that I'm on a spiritual path and that I'm being enlightened. There are a certain set of parameters this world uses to measure spirituality. And I don't measure up to them. I can't live, I can't die. There is hope, there is no hope. How long should I live this paradox? Nobody understands this. Explaining it to people only aggravates the problem. There's no solace. At least you would not even make people around me function favourably. It's like my energy field is always at loggerheads with the energy fields of people around. I'd like to state it is the vice versa, but let me take the current world as the standard way to conform to! There's got to be a limit for this endurance. There's got to be a limit. And where does all this endurance come from? The more the pain, the more the endurance. I wish this process makes people less enduring...actually debilitate them, so they could collapse! But no, it doesn't! There's got to be a limit God! There's got to be a limit!"

So, as was I weeping like this, the Universe did, kind of, answer me. Oh no! Don't assume, it answered me somebody saying something as an answer to all this...or some idea popping up from an external source...No nothing like that. I was tired of weeping and was checking the Pinterest pins and one pin clicked well with this situation, so I (had to) assume it's an answer. Now, as I told you in one of my previous posts,I've not been experiencing much synchronicity for the past two years and this was how Universe had been answering me. It answers very vaguely and that certainty I experienced before, during 2012-2014, isn't there anymore! Yet, I need to agree that the certainty that was sowed deep inside me was enough to pursue this path. I really did not need to experience it continuously. Ok, let's come to that Pinterest pin which served as an answer to this storm inside me.

I was like, "Ah come on! I needed this. And to top it, this idea pops up from this guy*!?I?! The rift is not with Tyson here now, it's with the Universe/God or whatever damn power this is! Universe! If you are NOT under any obligation to make sense to me, then why the hell am I under any obligation to be part of you? I would have earlier asked, 'Why am I under any obligation to serve you?' But I don't feel that way anymore. Maybe I'm not serving you by doing all this. Maybe, I'm doing all this for my own self. It's just that I am unable to figure it out. What is that damn thing I'm doing all this for? What is it that merits this huge chaos inside me? I would not do this for anything or anybody, not for any damn twin flame I might have once loved, not even for myself! I would not do this for any bliss I HAD GOT or I MIGHT GET in the future. I would not do this for the God and Goddess - the Cosmic Parents, I would not do this for my Cosmic Family, I would not do this for the family here. I would not do this for saving this world, which doesn't give a damn to my pain and to whose well-being I don't care a damn! If I had to do this for myself, then I don't need myself. I'd better die. So why is it that you still keep me in this grave?"

So, that was all the debate that happened (no it wasn't the mind chatter, it's almost like involuntarily shouting at the Universe), but the truth is that I had already come to acceptance long ago. I had already accepted this fact that, if need be, I might have to be in this situation, till the end of this life time. This storm happened many times before and that's what led to such an acceptance. So even as the storm was raging inside me, there was a faint voice from deep within mocking me - "Come on! Don't act. You getting emotional this way for the n'th time looks funny. You already accepted it, so why make huge fuss about all this?" Infact, it is this very paradox of 'pain- ok with pain' that tired me the most.

So, why did I come to that acceptance, one might ask. Even I don't know. But when I reached that stage of acceptance, I had this certainty that my soul would have taken up this responsibility before I was born here. Maybe, my human self is unable to grasp the reasons behind why the decision to endure this pain was made, but I was certain my higher self wanted to do this. Maybe, this human self of mine does not want to endure all this for anybody/anything on the long list listed before, but maybe my higher self does want to do it for any of those things. It is this respect that I have for the existence of a higher self, it is this understanding that the priorities of my higher self should precede those of my human self, is what keeps me going. So, to this day, I don't seriously question this peace I made with myself...such weeping sessions happen on and off, though. I just wanted to give readers a glimpse of it, as I feel that I'm nearing the end of this phase. If I don't experience the pain again, there is no way I could recall any part of how it felt, except the sole thing that it was dreadfully painful. So this post is for my records** at least, if not for anybody else.

So that's what happened yesterday. It was good that I did not pen down my pain yesterday itself here. I'm feeling much better today...a strong disconnect from the phase I had been experiencing for the last 20 days. Had I penned it down yesterday itself, this blog post would only contain my pain about the void - which I'm tired of voicing out here in every way possible for me and about which the readers too might be tired of hearing for the n'th time - the pain of void! But for posterity, let me just conclude this obsession of describing my experience with the void and disaster energy...

It's like being kept in the field that exists between two huge repelling magnets and passing electricity through that space. It's like being caged in that field and moving in this world with that cage in tact. Sometimes, it felt like I'm carrying a black hole in the form of a double vortex dark matter field...A moving black hole, I had myself become...Non-existence within existence, that is! A black hole, which might any time transform into an atom bomb. The being inside me, whatever living force remained of me, silently wept yesterday - "Somebody please dispose this off from inside me! Please!"

And my call, seems to have been heard. Let me just believe it so..for the time being at least. Let me see how it goes...


*When I first saw Tyson in the first episode of "Cosmos: A Space Time Odyssey", I found his talk very repulsive. I felt, he presented common generic ideas about the Universe as though he was dishing out viewers some rare wisdom with such an air of confidence as though he had firm grasp of the Universe. I had felt that a series like that is such a rare and excellent opportunity which is bound to inspire humility in the speaker presenting it. His ideas, his presentation, his body language...I don't know, I can't pinpoint one, but I found the whole presentation made by him very repulsive.

Recently, I was glad to find out that somebody out there in this world resonates with my ideas about Neil deGrasse. But contrary to what I felt about him in the first episode, it seems Neil deGrasse loses sleep wondering if we are intelligent enough to figure out the Universe. Poor guy, looks like he is burdened by his own journey about space talk so far! It must have been in one of those melancholic moments during his sleep, that such a profound statement sprung from him! It seems he thinks: "...It's not that we are better than the universe, we are part of the universe. We are in the universe and the universe is in us." Awesome Neil deGrasse! Great ideas! Interesting, you even consider the possibility if we are better than the Universe! I'm sorry, looks like I totally misread you from that one single episode!

**I'm pretty selfish of course, who isn't...everything I write here, every song I keep braying on my blog, it's all purely for myself. It's to ease out my pain, to keep my sanity, to obtain more knowledge in this journey - basically to know more and expand my awareness...ultimately to further the purpose of my higher self, whatever that is - good or bad!

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

The Heart-Brain Peace!

I came across this episode recently. The dance here portrays beautifully the conventional heart-brain conflict! While there was that (right from the beginning, seemingly inevitable) heart-break, I liked the way heart and brain finally made peace! Of course they had to...there's no other choice if a person has to survive!

And the song being one of my favourites...this obviously had to be in my blog! :-)

Monday, September 12, 2016


Now that is the code for the "Energy Transmutation Corrections" arrived at, to deal with those heavy bouts of Energy and Consciousness entering me after Kundalini Awakening. The code was like the magical keychain dropped by the Universe as an acknowledgement to the sequence of energy phases I was consolidating then...back in January 2014. I thought "Awesome! What more, I'm reaching the end of this process!" That was one of the peak phases of synchronicity. Little did I know then, that I would not experience so much of synchronicity again (I haven't experienced it strongly again after that, at least so far). Also I didn't know there was so much of work left over for me to do after that - at least three more pieces of work still left over - balancing the consolidated energies, experiencing void and disaster energy phases.

I didn't know I was trying to arrive at some corrections, when I decided sometime during July 2013 to counteract the forces affecting me severely. I don't know if 'counteract' is the right word to use. I felt I had a choice of how to deal with the forces instead of simply surrendering to them by "letting go" the chance to put into action my instinctive gut responses to those impulses(causative forces) arising out of outside me. I was not sure if allowing the energies to act upon me as they wish, was in my interests. I did not feel good that way, so I decided to exercise my choice. That made me feel better, though that involved quite some work...of meditating especially. Basically, being mindful of what I'm doing and exercising discretion while handling energy, driven by the idea that not all energy is good! (for me!)

All through out my Awakening process till then, I would receive guidance/information through meditation or through constant observation of the world around me by processing the events happening around and I would suddenly get an acknowledgement from the Universe affirming that what I've been assuming so far was right. When, in doubt, I get the acknowledgement repetitively thus reinforcing the acknowledgement. It is rarely that I get the input first through synchronicity and then I act on the inputs. It's the other way round wherein synchronicity was used to acknowledge my inferences. This event was exactly one of such occurrences. I kept a number to represent individual energy phases and finally I was trying to sequence them and just as I had arrived at that energy sequence, the Universe thrusted upon me that number to let me know that the sequence was just right. At least, I'd consider that as right for me, since that definitely acted like a drug to process the extremely heavy bouts of energy and consciousness into free flowing streams. In fact, that was an important milestone for me, but it later led to different phases. The later phases (Balancing, Void and Disaster phases) have been more painful, so naturally one might question the righteousness of that sequence. But somehow, I have no doubt about the sequence as my instinct strongly suggests me that these later phases, though painful, are required for the culmination of PoE (Precession of Equinoxes) process in spiritual plane, so that it manifests in the physical dimension.

Again, I don't know if painful is the right word to describe these phases. I don't know if one calls 'numbness' pain! At one point, I decided I would commit suicide in case I don't stabilise before my expected timelines. The deadline was breached, but by then there was no "I" to kill myself, but strangely I was still there. I don't know how to describe this strange paradox - "I" was not there, but I was there. I did not "feel" the triggers needed to kill myself, but whatever was left of me - that was not sufficient to live. I constantly felt like dying, because I was not able to sense the "I" within me and at the same time, it was difficult to take the plunge to kill myself because there was no "I" to do that. I don't know who was the subject (the first "I") in the sentence - "...because I was not able to sense the "I" within me" - what was it that was trying to sense something within myself that did not seem to exist, I don't know.

Months passed by in this strange paradoxical numbness. Mind used to stand still often, but it did not seem like my mind blanked out. I was aware that my mind was still during such moments, rather extended time periods. Perhaps, my soul was watching out my mind getting still into an "impulseless" state. But again, I doubt if my soul was active at all during that time because the life I led at that time felt so soulless. I'd guess that all that was alive during that time was the connection between my consciousness and the earth's consciousness, with my consciousness remaining passive. And perhaps that's what made me sense whatever I was sensing at that time.

To lead life this way when the world around me was moving constantly was the real test. People around me were making progress, irrespective of the progress being constructive or destructive. Even doing daily chores meant some progress for me. Almost two years vanished this way for me. In the last two years, when I was not doing the balancing act or not experiencing the disaster energy, I was experiencing this void. While the first two phases were painful by themselves, I loathed the very idea of having to experience the void phase and all the three were recurring a number of times. It was like that "Kavacha kavacha" moment in the Telugu film "Bhairava Dweepam". Just as a grave rests equally still whether in a hot desert or in a frozen winter storm, the pain whether hot or cold melted still as if packed neatly into the mould that is my body. The pain decayed and decayed multiplying itself to become a bigger ghost.

Amidst all this, my relationship with my family suffered heavily. It's better I don't speak about it here for pages will ooze out if I start it. Whenever instability raged within me, I started venting out the unsolicited truths which nobody wanted to hear, which offended everybody. I wondered when there was no "I", where did all this ego and sensitivity flare up from. It was a late realisation that the sum of some egos made up for the absence of my soul.

All said, truth doesn't always make you win. It might not win you people or money, but it definitely sets you free. But before that, it is said, it pisses you off first. Sharing this code out here in this blog, I hope, would set me free.

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Monday, August 22, 2016

Destruction of Nothingness

Obviously, some people prefer getting absolutely destroyed to feeling nothing at all! I too would love absolute destruction of nothingness...

Saturday, August 20, 2016


It seems the world's highest and longest glass bridge connecting two mountain cliffs, is being officially opened this weekend. It seems, though the construction was completed towards the end of the last year itself, there was a lot of stress testing happening before opening it to the public. Now, that definitely sounds like quite some testing, isn't it?

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Saturday, August 6, 2016

The lesser of the good!

Need not be the best of the bads, the devil could be the lesser of the goods too...

Friday, August 5, 2016

Your problems are your own!

Wouldn't contest that in every case, but in some cases, yes!

Thursday, August 4, 2016

And people say love hurts!

                                         Love, per se, doesn't hurt!

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Sunday, July 31, 2016

No return to status quo ante!!!

Even as people predicted (or rather warned) that there shall be no returning to status quo ante after Brexit, even as the advisors were cautious of the challenges ahead for Europe, Britain forayed into its uncertain future anyway, though some are viewing it as "going back to future"! Of course despite all this, there were some who thought that the status quo was a hard sell and perhaps that's what the majority who voted "Leave" believed too. Now here are some who are looking at how it will prove quite impossible for Britain to get back to status quo ante. (Page 6)

Ok, all this is fine, but so much talk about "getting back to status quo ante" got me wondering - is there ever a thing in this world which after experiencing it, allows one to return to status quo ante. Something as small as watching a powerful movie, something as natural as growing older by a day - just experiencing that one more random day of life and eventually growing older, to something as eventful as falling in love or getting married...none of them, I need to repeat, none of them would leave you in a state of 'status quo ante'. People who undergo Awakening process understand this completely, much better than the rest would comprehend it. After the Awakening is triggered, after a brief period of highs, they crave for getting back to that phase of (assumed) normalcy, infact those times of status quo ante, because the new phase shakes their existence completely.

Of course, I do understand that by using this phrase, they don't literally mean that we cannot/would want to go to status quo ante. They are either warning the predicament arising out of the decision or assessing the impact of the situation in the aftermath. Nevertheless, I don't understand this obsession for status quo ante. Of course there is no returning to it, for better or worse!

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Investing in Music vs Investing in Art

Now, this is all from the consumers' point of view. I came across this article today - "Your guide to investing in art." At one point in time, I compared 'listening to music over and over again' and 'reading a story over and again'. Such comparing tendencies readily brought in music here and got me comparing investment in music vis-a-vis investment in art.

Now, I must say I'm such a novice, for whenever I think of the "high costs" of art, it never striked me that people buy it to resell too. Of course, when I read this article, it doesn't come as a surprise that people do that - resale of the art-piece they buy! It is so costly, after all. But, what was indeed surprising was that the investment in art can bring such high returns. Well, I don't belong to that league (not so rich!) of investing in art, so that's not too important for me.

Now, let's come to the comparison part! When it comes to music, it is not that costly. It is costly to produce it, of course, but it is distributed to so many people that the end-price is very affordable. People invest in music, solely for the purpose of enjoying it! Now, they invest their time and spirit, not their money, in music. When it comes to art, it doesn't reach so many people. Most of the (popular/precious) art-pieces do not have copies, they are unique pieces and hence reach a single consumer. Now, that consumer is not the end of the consumer chain. He/She can preserve the art-piece methodically and when they want to, they can become an intermediary and sell it to the next in the chain. In case of music, the consumer after purchasing music, is the end of the chain, they don't need to become intermediaries (not talking about the music retailers here) as the music is available first-hand to the rest of the audience anyway.

Even if people re-sell some DVDs, the resale value only deteriorates and would never appreciate. I think the advent of Internet has hit music considerably, but did not hit art as much! Of course, the comparison can be done from many other angles, but I leave that all to the creativity of the reader.

Antichrist rising? Really?

Actually I was in very low spirits when I practised the song "Rise". I know nothing about Katy Perry and her friendship and rift with Taylor Swift until I checked this song. It was actually Reo Olympics that led me to this song. All this explanation is to let you know that I have no idea about Katy Perry and her background - so that it's clear I'm neither 'for' nor 'against' her songs.

Despite all my low spirits, I must say that the song was very lifting. But despite all the lift, my low side did not allow me to sing the song in a way I represent the lyrics in some way. Because, the truth is, I don't. At that moment, I was in no way feeling as though I'd rise above my circumstances, no matter what! So, my low side kept prodding me, "Come on! Why are you lying? You don't feel that way, so why sing it?" Anyway, inspite of all that mind chatter (which I did not allow to surface it up - suppressed it with my singing ofcourse!), I got done with the song. I don't know why I sang it, but I sang it only because I liked it, not that it represents my state in any way. "Come on, should a person represent the song she sings?" That was perhaps how the better side of me silenced the talk.

At the moment, I'm neither too optimistic nor too depressed about my current state of life. But I just thought, why not just give some shape to that internal worry of my mind, by changing the lyrics of "Rise". So here I go, now! I don't know how they'll shape up, but let's see! Let me go ahead and change the lyrics...sorry Katy Perry!


I won't just survive,
Oh, you will see me die!
Can't write my story,
Reminds me of that gory!

I can't just be saved,
No matter, how you try to save,
My friend, it's too late...Oh oh!!

Judgement Time is Now,
It's final! Let's see how! 
Our deeds shall be laid to rest,
Whether or not, we like it!
And I will finally die,
I take it, that's my due!
And then I rise...

When, when the fire's at my feet again,
And the vultures all start circling, they're whispering,
"You're out of time. Be glad, now you rise!"
This is no mistake, no accident!
When you think that death is edging in,
Think again!
Don't be surprised, be glad you rise!

I doubt now if it's time,
Since I've been hanging in time,
So I call on my angels,
They say...

"Judgement Time is Now,
 It's final! Just see how! 
 Your deeds shall be laid to rest,
 Whether or not, you like it!
 And you will finally die,
 Just take it, that's your due!
 And then you rise..."

Coz when, when the fire's at my feet again,
And the vultures all start circling, they're whispering,
"You're out of time. Be glad, now you rise!"
This is no mistake, no accident!
When you think that death is edging in,
Think again!
Don't be surprised, be glad you rise!

We die...
Don't be surprised, let's rise and rejoice!


Ok, it took me about an hour to come up with those lyrics. Doesn't look like a bad job, after all!

Ok, actually when I wanted to change the lyrics, I just wanted to listen to the song again and that is when I bumped into these videos, wherein it is said that Katy Perry's "Rise" represents nothing but the "Rising Antichrist"! That's what the so-called "Illuminati" say! Oh Illuminati?!? Once I bumped into a blog, wherein some of the posts are written by those Illuminati* and the way those Illuminati read the happenings's just so different. Different from the way I read them. Of course, I don't read from everything and anything. I don't have so much of time, patience, expertise (and more importantly the need) anyway. Different people read differently from the signs they see...they have their way, I have my way.

It was definitely surprising for me to see something so empowering and healing to be associated with something satanic! It was this video, I first saw, when I searched for "Rise" and the visuals only elevated the music and lyrics.

But then, people are free to interpret things their way depending on their own state of mind, just as I interpret things according to my own state (of mind, of course!) I could not sit through the whole length of those two Illuminati videos, I zipped through them and was lucky to get hold of the important parts. Between 2:43 - 3:12 of the second video, the speaker of the video says that at the "End of the Age", beasts "rise up" and gods "descend down". It seems (i.e., according to Illuminati) "good bad things rise up and bad good things come down"! (Corrected it on 27/07/2016.) Looks like the Illuminati completely forgot that there are many cults which associate the end days as that time when the phoenix rises from the dead. Well, good luck to them - the Illuminati - but whatever has to happen, will happen, this much I (infact, all of us) know!

The word "Antichrist" has its own interpretation and this whole post was written considering that particular way the world interprets it (wherein "Antichrist" means being on the side of the 'Satan' or the 'Devil'). But, the way I interpret "Antichrist", well the Illuminati might actually turn out to be right, when they say that "Antichrist is rising"! To me, "Antichrist" simply means being on the opposite side of the Christ or to make it more clear - "Not taking the side of the Christ"!

*By the way, I couldn't figure out, if the Illuminati or the Anti-Illuminati write there. But let's just forget that, it's not too important anyway, they all sound one and the same to me!

Time vs time

While some people do some things to kill time, time kills me here. Time! It can really kill...

Friday, July 22, 2016


The sun rises daily. I too rise.....daily. Though a little late...than the sun. Not just little late. A bit more than that. It sets daily. I too call it a day...daily. But a lot lot late after the sun. Almost when it gets ready to rise again. I don't know why I rise and why I sink down. I'm only little short of hanging an "SOS" board here. Not "SOS" actually, it must be - "SMS" - "Save My Soul". Infact, it's just that the board was not hung explicitly here, but if any "soul" ever read it closely, they would have known it...that the whole blog content is SOS stuff. I keep my blog in this internet space, open to millions of readers. Hundreds of page views, I can see...but not a single comment. I wonder, if the humanity in the man is dead or I'm dead. Maybe, I should stop wondering...I should know better, for living death is probably death itself. Living and singing others' truth, killing one's own truth, what is that called? Death, of course.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

The Time Is Now...

"The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about."
                                                                                      --- Wayne Dyer.

"Condemnation without investigation is the height of ignorance."
                                                                                      --- Albert Einstein.

Came across these quotes recently and I can relate to them especially in the context of how doctors investigate "some" of those reported mental illness cases, which are actually triggered by spiritual awakening process. It's like things are happening in 3D (Mind, Body and Soul) and the doctors stubbornly stick to 2D (Mind and Body) and instead try to put the patients (their subjects) in one of the boxes "known" to them, like - Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia and Temporal lobe epilepsy (now, the last one is heights, the patternizing of mystical experiences into clinical cases of Epilepsy!) Here, the doctors are in effect ignorant (or at least trying to stay ignorant) of one whole dimension and applying their mastery of two dimensions on all the three together! And the result they wanna achieve!? - is to silence and eliminate that very dimension they don't approve of! Now, what must one call it - Ignorance? Heights of Ignorance? Or Inherent human resistance to the (apparently) unknown?

When people go to a doc with a "knowing" and "clarity" that they are indeed undergoing a Kundalini Awakening, to seek help for associated mental repercussions and if there is no box with the docs that fits these symptoms, they ought to create one! That's clean Science. If the docs were indeed practising such Science, such a box would have been created years or even a few decades ago and people who are currently undergoing Kundalini Awakening wouldn't have been boxed under false labels.

I often felt regarding this situation - "You cannot repudiate something you assume (and hence inevitably believe) it doesn't exist!" The spiritual burden certainly is growing exponentially and if Science still doesn't open itself, it cannot label itself as "Science" anymore!

Today's background music of my blog - "The Time Is Now" from "Redbird" album by Warren Barfield, which is famous as the Unstoppable Atheist theme, is being dedicated, as an antithesis, to the silent mystics of the world today enduring untold suffering under the invisible chains of Science.


Indian firm delivers Assam green tea to Donald Trump to ‘purify mind’.

While the company describes this 'gesture' as "Gandhian act of  purifying Trump's mind", one of the comments in response to that youtube video makes more sense to me: "Indian politicians need it more than Trump does."

Tuesday, July 12, 2016


For those who don't understand Telugu, the text there can be translated to: "Dreams dreamt out of doldrums, don't show any path (way)!"

Now, that's pure common sense and anybody would know that. I don't know why that Telugu magazine had to waste a whole page space altogether to send that message so loud and clear...come on we know that! (though, I had to waste some space here in my blog too...) By the way, is there anybody out there who loves daydreaming and at the same time believes that it will fetch them something real apart from whiling away their time in a comfortable way (which in itself is good enough anyway!)?

Monday, July 4, 2016


"చరిత్ర తెలియని వాడు, చరిత్ర సృష్టించలేడు!" (Translation of what Narendra Modi said as it appeared in Telugu news. It seems, a person who doesn't know history, cannot make history! - "जो इतिहास नहीं जानता, वो इतिहास नहीं बना सकता!")

Friday, July 1, 2016

A healthy fear

Someone in some telugu movie once said, "One should have a healthy respect towards fear". I totally agree. Of course, while overcoming fear is essential to success, most of us do not start from a place of 'no fear'. No wonder some people argue that fear of failure too is essential to success. Fear usually occurs when we are entering a zone of uncertanty, when we try things we have not tried before, so when there is fear, it indicates that we are trying to push our comfort zone. So such fear is quite natural for anyone, but fear that impedes one's growth ought to be handled. While fear of darkness is totally understandable, the fear of light is what one must dispel and that's what my recent post mainly focuses on. And anyway, nobody can ever definitively give a sense of finality to concepts such as these. As we all know, the same thing operates very differently under different contexts.

Again, in a totally different context, I'll narrate something that happened today.

So today morning, I was travelling in a Mini-Taxi and the auto driver was overtaking the vehicles in front of him in a wrong direction abruptly and rashly (Sorry, after writing it out here, I recollected what happened and there was nothing wrong with the direction per se, it was the manner in which he overtook, that was problematic) Even I could make it out that this driver was driving the vehicle pretty wrongly haphazardly (and irresponsibly ofcourse!). Actually, my travel itself was just some 5 mins, so I continued to go with it, else I would have got down. Infact, I remember getting off such rash vehicles twice before, even when the travel time was like 5 mins, when the drivers insisted - "Hamare driving aisich hothi hain madam!" (Our driving will be like this only madam!) Ok, I never argued with them but insisted to get off the vehicle so that atleast they would understand.

This time I tried to be patient with this guy. You should see the absurd sense of driving these Mini-Taxi drivers exhibit in Hyderabad. It's like they would stop the vehicle anywhere and everywhere if they see a potential customer. Anyway back to the episode, so this driver was overtaking wrongly and it happened twice within 3 mins. And in the next minute, the third time he overtook another Mini-Taxi, he actually hit it pretty hard to its right. Now, the civic sense within me overcame my patience and did not allow me to keep quiet anymore, so I started speaking up.

Me: Kya bhayya, kyaa aap dekhre, kaise chalaaree ghaadi? (Brother, are you checking how you are driving?)
Driver: Haun madam. (Yes mam.)
Me: Yeh hamare jindagi ki baat hain! Peeche se buses aare aur aap...? (This is a matter of our lives! Buses are coming from behind and you...)
Driver: Vehicle ko insurance hain madam, parvaah nahin... (almost in a mocking tone!) (This vehicle has got insurance madam, so it's ok!)
Me: (I was like - damn it, how dare you demean the value of our lives and speak about your damn vehicle, now let me make it very clear to you what I mean) Kyaa insurance, itne saare log hain andhar (actually 6 including me, and then a child below 4 years and a baby less than 1 year)... (What insurance, so many people are inside this vehicle...)
Driver: Marna hain thoo kabhi bhee mar sakthe hain! (If we are supposed to die, we can die anytime!)
Me: (I reached my destination, so as I was getting down I intended to say - marna ek din jaroor, lekin hamare vajaa se koyi aur marna nahi hain naa. (Die we will have to someday, but others shouldn't die because of us, right?) But that guy while collecting money from me started to say laughing out loud...)
Driver: Darke muth jeena, darke nahin jeena! (Don't live with fear, don't live under fear)
Me: (Again I intended to say - darke thoo jeena nahin hain, lekin kam se kam saavdhaani se tho jeena hain naa (Ofcourse, we shouldn't live with fear, but we should atleast live with caution, right?) - but the guy was in no mood to listen and was already getting ready to go. Something inside me got irritated due to this mix up of events and I quite involuntarily said) Marna hain thoo aap maro, lekin doosroo ko thoo jeene deejiyee. (If you want to die, yes you die, but let others live!)

The guy, as you would have guessed it by this time, laughed out casually and sped up his vehicle. I was never so vocal with drivers during public commutation before. And I was actually surprised I uttered that last sentence out. I was sure I meant him no harm and quickly prayed to God for a moment that nothing should happen to him and walked away to my destination further. But I was still thinking, how could I say that?

Maybe, this is one advantage of getting older. Few years ago, I was pretty cautious with drivers and the like and never spit words with them. Perhaps with age, I started to feel that it is okay to patronize people (outsiders too!) at times!