Thursday, June 29, 2017

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Light at the end of the tunnel!

So I wrote about two years ago - "There is no light at the end of the tunnel. It's a mirror!" So, what then do I mean by saying just the opposite now? Obviously, breaking of that mirror and shattering the illusion of the tunnel...would mean the light at the end of that seemingly never-ending tunnel.

I don't know when that mirror breaks or wait maybe I know... Generally it is felt that when the light outweighs the dark...when that theoretical 51% is reached...that is when the mirror might break. So, I don't know when that happens...it happens when it happens. But to me, light at the end of the tunnel, for this lifetime, means that I'm not waiting for a specific result and am good with whichever path is thrown open to me.

There was a point when I was waiting for PoE (Precession of Equinoxes) to happen. Then eventually it dawned upon me that it's such a big event and is dependant on the karma of humanity and earth. After all, why should I be waiting for it? When the time is ripe for it, when the Earth needs it and is able to attain it, when the karma of Humanity is fulfilled, it will happen anyway! What stake do I have in it, as a person here on Earth? Maybe my higher self has more stake in it, but I'm not bothered. This journey is all about aligning this human self with its higher self, but as long as I do not have the capacities of that higher self, I'm not bothered...I thought!

And there was a point, when I was waiting to hear from my twin flame. It's not that he should come and marry me like a knight in shining armour and end all my hardships. That he too had felt the connection, was enough for me to hear from him. Whether or not it can be taken forward, was a later thing. I could tell it to my family and my situation would make sense to them too, to certain extent and I could have escaped some embarrassing moments. But again, I eventually started realizing that had he wanted to do that, he would have done that long ago. But he didn't. Either he has never felt the connection the way I felt it, or he felt it, but is not interested to take it forward or there must be some really genuine reasons stopping him from expressing himself. Though my logical mind could think of those three possibilities, I never felt like thinking about the first two options. My mind would just blank out whenever I wanted to extrapolate those two possibilities a bit more.

Yeah, my mind would allow me to think about the third possibility. While I can roughly guess the reasons, I still felt it was unfair that he was allowing me to go through this. I totally understand that he did not open up, way back in 2012 when I just started understanding the connection. I just started awakening, after almost 12 years of he sensing the connection (that's my intuition speaking, when my awakening process first started), so it was only wise on his part to have allowed me to experience it further. But how long must that continue? It's been more than five years now. Was it not enough time for me to understand things so that awakening can be discussed? Yes things have changed with time at both the ends! And it might not always be easy to open up. But what about me? Within these biological and sociological constraints of human life, how was I to answer my family, society and most importantly my own self?

If the information I sensed through awakening was right, he had already been on this journey 12 years ahead of me. That would have been very painstaking to say the least. And I wouldn't expect twin flames to play the tit-for-tat game of "I suffered, so you too suffer!", not my twin flame atleast. Yeah, maybe a bit of it, for some time, but definitely I wouldn't see that as some long-term avenging process. I had always felt that there must be some valid reasons for my twin flame to shut down and run away from communicating with me openly.

But gradually, 'why did my twin flame do this or that?' started becoming irrelevant for me. The wait was eating me at many levels and I realized I was waiting at the cost of my own peace. This was not turning out to be healthy and I started wondering what was this Ascension turning me into. What was it making of me, of him and the rest of the twin flames? I doubted if we were we really evolving into better persons at any level, at all. The more I kept waiting, the more I hated him and myself, both. I had to definitely move on and meanwhile my parents constantly (and obviously) brought the prospect of marriage in front of me. This made things worse and honestly for a long time I was not able to figure out what is it that I wanted.

Once I told myself I was not waiting for my twin flame, I started meeting a few people (the process was happening on a low key before too, but now I too really wanted to genuinely give it a try!) as part of the same old arranged marriage setup in India. But it brought the nightmares back. I never liked anybody in a sense that I could say ok for marriage. But I wonder how many people in India really get to like the person before marriage if that was an arranged one. Again it brought me back the pain of assessing if I was still waiting for my twin flame. Honestly, I could never figure it out, to this day. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe, I haven't come across the right person. And maybe, there is never a right one if you already have a person on mind. Mostly, I used to keep quiet without taking the responsibility of saying yes or no and wait for something really wrong to happen and most of the times that approach worked. But not for long. Once, it really went bad...no point going into the details, but it so happened that I had to come to some clarity at any cost. I felt I was nowhere close to that so-called clarity yet I saw myself telling it out to the guy that I wasn't interested. I was not sure what I was doing with my life, but I never regretted any of what I did with these alliances. But I was not happy either about the way I was leading my life.

Strangely, I never had to go through the painful process of thinking too much. My mind just blanked out whenever I wanted to think, analyze, arrive at some clarity and decide. So I never decided anything and just drifted with the flow, if there was any at all!

And there was this constant surfacing up of divergence, repulsion, conflict, whatever you call it, with my family. I had already discussed this in the post - "If they could, they would!" I guess, whatever I wrote there is only one side of the coin. The other side is that, if I was evolved and matured enough I too could have averted a lot of conflict and dealt the situations amicably...in fact most of them would not even arise. Most of the conflict surfaced up when the energy field was disastrous inside me. Even after getting aware of this, the awareness did not help me in anyway. I used to helplessly stare at myself being emotionally upset and tell my family how they were hurting me and get hurt more due to the discussions thereof. I knew there was no point yet I did it all.

I slowly started realizing all this awareness and wisdom was not enough. Per se, it cannot transform into implementation and execution of things. It needs to be backed by spiritual strength, which I was lacking. I was lacking the balance. Frequency mismatch was causing all the conflict and unless I stabilized myself this was going to continue, I finally understood. I cannot expect my family to rise along with me, I had to rise alone...I came to terms with it. I cannot expect my twin flame to bring me balance. I had to work on it myself.

Time and again, I touch the disaster point and I don't regret posting things like "Chaos", "Alert" then. I don't feel like I'm making a fool out of myself. I've been suffering in nothingness and it is only natural that I keep oscillating around the 'disaster point' or the 'now point' (whichever way you want to perceive it). I keep hitting the now point, my consciousness touches it...the world around me might not be able to perceive it...the world's consciousness might not be at that point...but that wouldn't alter my reality inside...my energy and consciousness inside.

I don't know if I'm finally reaching the end of this tunnel, though it "feels" like that now. But I definitely know that the journey so far has given me the resilience needed to traverse whatever is left over. How much ever that is!

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Chaos

When there is nothing, it is a chaos. But when it is a chaos, can there be nothing?

Monday, June 19, 2017

The Rapture!!

The knot of nothing has been ruptured. The Mother has awakened from Her deep slumber. She has started flowing, burning and melting away the abyss. It has arrived and it can't be reversed....

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Future!


Killing time!

When you are unable to live, unable to die, you can go sleeping...day and night alike. A time-tested alternative, it is! I don't know, but I'm guessing it works better than drinking, drugs and other such dark habits on the list...

Friday, June 2, 2017

We're getting out!

That's what Trump said and this is what some of the US citizens had to say!


Desire

"Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value." -- Jim Rohn.