Sunday, October 22, 2017


Sometimes, life can be so fucked up that you may have to work with your own complete and complement yourself!

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

The man from the Earth!

It was a pretty tough day most other days since 2012. But the day ended on a good note...

Watched the movie - "The man from the Earth"! Made for a pleasantly interesting watch!

Thursday, October 5, 2017

The dilemma of give and take!

I read this on Internet today! A simple story that has a lot to offer!



Once a man got lost in a desert. The water in his flask had run out two days ago, and he was on his last legs. He knew that if he didn't get some water soon, he would surely die. The man saw a small hut ahead of him. He thought it would be a mirage or maybe a hallucination, but having no other option, he moved toward it. As he got closer, he realized it was quite real. So he dragged his tired body to the door with the last of his strength.

The hut was not occupied and seemed like it had been abandoned for quite some time. The man entered into it, hoping against hope that he might find water inside.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw what was in the hut - a water hand pump...... It had a pipe going down through the floor, perhaps tapping a source of water deep under-ground.

He began working the hand pump, but no water came out. He kept at it and still nothing happened. Finally he gave up from exhaustion and frustration. He threw up his hands in despair. It looked as if he was going to die after all.

Then the man noticed a bottle in one corner of the hut. It was filled with water and corked up to prevent evaporation.

He uncorked the bottle and was about to gulp down the sweet life-giving water, when he noticed a piece of paper attached to it. Handwriting on the paper read : "Use this water to start the pump. Don't forget to fill the bottle when you're done."

He had a dilemma. He could follow the instruction and pour the water into the pump, or he could ignore it and just drink the water.

What to do? If he let the water go into the pump, what assurance did he have that it would work? What if the pump malfunctioned? What if the pipe had a leak? What if the underground reservoir had long dried up?

But then... maybe the instruction was correct. Should he risk it? If it turned out to be false, he would be throwing away the last water he would ever see.

Hands trembling, he poured the water into the pump. Then he closed his eyes, said a prayer, and started working the pump.

He heard a gurgling sound, and then water came gushing out, more than he could possibly use. He luxuriated in the cool and refreshing stream. He was going to live!

After drinking his fill and feeling much better, he looked around the hut. He found a pencil and a map of the region. The map showed that he was still far away from civilization, but at least now he knew where he was and which direction to go.

He filled his flask for the journey ahead. He also filled the bottle and put the cork back in. Before leaving the hut, he added his own writing below the instruction: "Believe me, it works!"

This story is all about life. It teaches us that We must GIVE before We can RECEIVE Abundantly.

More importantly, it also teaches that FAITH plays an important role in GIVING.

The man did not know if his action would be rewarded, but he proceeded regardless.

Without knowing what to expect, he made a Leap of Faith.

Water in this story represents the Good things in Life

Give life some Water to Work with, and it will RETURN far more than you put in........!!!

Monday, September 25, 2017

Unconditional what?

There's no such thing as unconditional love. It's a myth! That it can happen with only one person (romantic relationship) or a specific set of persons (parent-children relationships for instance) is a condition in itself!

PS: I'm glad and proud to pass this wisdom to the future generations, whether or not they appreciate it in their most-needed hour of their lives!

Thursday, September 14, 2017

There's got to be a limit!

Either God is appallingly callous or you are! Either way, I'm deeply disappointed and disillusioned!

Seriously, you are making me go through this indescribable pain of "Kundalini Void" (energy void) twice? I mean, twice?  Once when I had to figure out the code, and the second time when you are trying to figure it out! I mean every time?!? Everytime when you are out of alignment, I need to suffer as a means to get you in alignment?!? But I already suffered...every time I was out of alignment!

Ridiculously insane!  God are you crazy or what! Yeah, I mean God, real "good" God! There's got to be a limit and you rather be done with it God! Hey Hello! I'm not You, I'm a human, after all! Know what, you both **** each other and get me out of this mess!

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Anthropogenic influence, merely?

In the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, the author, a Nobel laureate argues that "preventive" collective action is needed to mitigate the impact of climate change. I believe, disasters are a way of nature balancing itself and they happen regardless of the existence of man on Earth. While there is every need to check global warming and reduce (or optimise) the anthropogenic influence for a better planet, I cannot buy this argument that disasters like these are preventable or even that they can be controlled (in an "intended" way!).

Sunday, September 10, 2017

When songs stay merely that...songs!

After my awakening process started, songs became my refuge. Especially so, since 2015, after the publishing of my book when I was not pouring my thoughts into my blog. They became a world unto themselves where I can sneak into, hide and take shelter and solace when I couldn't anymore stay in my reality. I knew I was fantasizing too much, but the happy breeze they gave me during the periods of abandonment and despair...led me to think it's harm doing it. But gradually since June-July I think that too slowly started to fade away. How long can a single illusion give happiness anyway?

Oh no, not all of them were love songs and stuff. In fact, when I actually started singing as my pastime, it started with questioning God as to why he put me in this fix? Sometimes about the ways of the world, of people...and all that...and finally love. But life first!

Now back to the June-July fade out. Singing too wasn't giving me happiness anymore. I then knew it's time to wind up now! I was expecting to hear from my twin flame. But he was nowhere in the sight. I started wondering, if I keep waiting for him, until how long will I be required to wait! Maybe till the end of this life? Everyday, I'll have to wake up with this hope and despair! I thought I was prepared for that too! I thought maybe I'd eventually get used to it and my expectation would die and I'd move on! But one day, at an important time of transition, when a new phase started in my life, I suddenly started thinking why not contact him? I felt, yeah, seriously why not? I thought about it for around two hours and finally took the plunge to contact him online. I myself was surprised about what I did just then. For years, I felt I'd never contact him.He must do that, whenever that is, I used to think. My action totally caught me unawares. But then, I knew what to talk when he responds to me. I knew what information I was looking from him.

But, I never thought that he wouldn't respond to my mail. I was not shocked anyway. I thought he'd respond eventually. And that "eventually" could be in days, months or years. And now I was not prepared to do that thing again - "wait"! So I sent another short mail saying I merely wanted to catch up with him. In truth, that was all I wanted to do. I did not want to go any beyond that! No reply even then! I think that was the first time ever when he did not respond to my communication at all. Of course, hell did not break loose at my end. But something started to happen gradually inside me. Somewhere, I guess I started losing my respect for him. Looking back, I never came out in public about my TF. That's probably because my respect for him was in tact. I felt I had no right to take this into public without knowing what his idea was about making it known to the world. But now, I don't care anymore about what he feels or believes.

I felt he was trying to play safe. If he is sure he is not going to leave his 3D life in the near future, at least he could let me know that in some way...that his life is going on well...even if that was a lie. I can then move on with my life too. And if that's true, I'd be even happy...I mean if he is really happy with his 3D life, then my obvious choice will be to move on...marry somebody, have kids, taste and cherish that motherly love at least! Though, I would never be sure if he was saying the truth or not, at least I'd know his intentions to "carry on" with his life, for the time being at least. That will suffice, I will stop seeing my future with him. And then, whatever he is planning to do for the time being, I'd ensure to do that till the end of this life. And if he is not sure about what to do with regards to leaving the 3D life (which again means he is not going to leave it in the near future), he could at least respect my intention to get in touch with him. Just do the friendly talk and be done with it. I can understand that, I'm not too foolish to not understand that.

But no! He didn't do that! And now it's my turn to respect his intention to NOT get in touch. What does that mean? He still wants to keep me in this game of guessing or what? And for how long? What am I supposed to assume is going on at his end? All that I now know is, he doesn't want to reveal anything...I mean absolutely anything about what is happening with him. And I need to take a decision about "my" life purely based on "my" state, "my" wisdom and "my" choices arising out of "my" life path. Huhh, if that "my" remained that pure, if it only remained "mine", I could have done that!

Now, I was determined to do anything to know what was going on at his end. What if he doesn't tell me things, there is internet. Internet was always there, initially I started to search there, but then it dawned upon me that I can get information directly from him. I had that trust in our friendship. But he proved me wrong and I had to get back to Internet. I knew, there were things like "truthfinder" and the like. But, I didn't want to go that far. Or may be I'd have gone that far later. But there were, Google+, Youtube, Facebook...I wanted to lay my hands first on that information which was public. So I started checking things...! And then I bumped into one of the current pics of his wife. There she was, with a pall of gloom in her eyes and maybe deep down in her soul too. She was just reflecting all the grief I was holding. All the grief, I was holding until then...until the moment I saw the pic. After that, I was a different person. I asked my youngest brother to change his Facebook password as I did not need it anymore. My search stopped there.

No, it was not a momentary gloom. Not something that appeared so in the moment of that click. It seemed chronic. Her pics belong to the happy lot before marriage. She was not the serious kind who would keep her mouth stiff for pictures. It is not just me grieving here. People are grieving out there too. What for? Why should life be this complicated? This is not a sudden revelation actually. I had an inkling that if I'm not happy here, he can't be happy there. And if he is not happy, he can't keep his wife and people around happy. It's a simple logic! But the sudden affirmation unsettled me. Nah, now I'm not one of those people who do great sacrifices wishing only well-being for the other side. I'm as selfish as any woman can get! But this sick feeling I get when I see my TF robbing happiness of a happy-go-lucky girl...that I can't explain in words. Heck, even I was deep down unhappy when I was in marriage with another person when I was NOT aware of the TF connection (Good for me!). But at least, there were some pics of momentary happiness...temporary phases of joy at least.

I could completely empathize with her grief...and maybe nobody can fathom that better than me. I was in pain without sharing my life with him and she is still in pain sharing her life with him. What's the difference? Maybe there's a lot of difference. I don't know whose pain is greater, but it is pain and chronic suffering nevertheless, at the end of the day. It's suffering that eats into life rendering the person owning that life, parasite preying on the dead! It doesn't matter whose pain is greater, it's slow death! Maybe, I'm being very harsh on my TF now who is in pain I need to tone this down a bit and say...maybe it's not him who is robbing her of happiness, but her marriage with him. (As if both are different?)

"Man! Can you keep somebody happy at least? What is it that you are after, in this life? Do you know that for yourself at least? For God's sake, decide for once which path you are choosing in this life time! No, you can't take a middle road in love, keeping two paths beside you open and mess up all the three, including yours! No, there is no need whatsoever for three people (and their families too maybe) to lead an unhappy life forever! There IS a solution and it is in your hands!

Did you let go of me? Had you done that, you would have responded to me without any qualms as a friend, as a well-wisher! What does letting go of, mean? It is not living a double life, with this faint hope in your heart that maybe someday we will get back together! Letting go means, you are able to leave me, once for all, in this life time!

I didn't let go of you! And I know I can't let go of you, until I talk to you! Until we decide and agree with each other that we are actually letting go of each other! But now, trust me when I say - I'm ready to let go of you! Talk to me! Open your whirlpool within for once! We need not walk this life together if you are not ready for it. But let me lead a life with peace. I think there are better things to do for both of us than messing up others' lives and then grieving and mourning! I can't lead a double life with you on my mind and hoping to keep others happy. I couldn't as much push myself to let in anybody else into my life. And only you can push me to do that! Your silence won't! Your words can! I want you to do this for me! I think you owe me this help at least! I think I really want to taste other facets of life. I can't stay in stagnation like this. Maybe you are capable of leading a messy life, I'm not.

I'm not saying thousands of twin flames (including you) who married others despite TF awareness, are wrong or are capable of messing up their own lives. Maybe all of you had no other choice. But, I see a different choice here. After all this pain, I think I deserve to know your side of the journey. And I will respect your choices, be it giving up on the TF mission or going with it. If it is the former, I will marry somebody, if it is the latter, I will wait till the end. I can't take this decision on my own and I need your inputs, by all means, to choose one path on this fork. I'm tired of walking the middle road for so long! I have no clue how you did and are still doing, maybe! If you have already jumped off that fork, then why don't you do your bit to help me jump off too! And if you haven't, why don't we both do it NOW, whichever way that is, together or apart?

Yes, to me, the time is NOW. And I don't see any point prolonging it. It's all the same and perhaps worser if we prolong it! Let me know...I know you will read this some time! For once, let go of these TF dynamics...this TF template...that this is NOT the right time to talk. That maybe there is some soul growth to do! There is no soul growth whatsoever, at max there's only some soul torture beyond this point. Were 17 years not enough for the soul growth? That we are in incompatible roles or whatever! They shall remain incompatible as long as we don't fix them! Even a mother and son can talk to each much as a brother and a sister...or a father and a daughter...if those are the roles played by a couple! You are taking the roles too seriously! The only way to end these roles is by talking it out, staying in those roles. I don't see any other way! Or maybe I'm totally missing the point and maybe there are other reasons. So why don't you enlighten me about them? Because, I will continue to assume the same until I'm interrupted! Maybe, I'm missing the bigger picture or maybe you are! Whoever it is...I think the power of human communication is at our disposal. It can be used rightly! It's a shame if we can't use it for our needs after coming this far...after so much evolution!

Once we are clear about our choices, the Kundalini will play accordingly. It shall not enslave us to act based on its play. The reason we played to its tune so far is, we did not have a tune of our own. You hold your key to happiness! The solution is in your hands and that is to decide! Decide NOW!"

In hindsight, I guess whatever my TF does, it happens to be a better move. Coz had he responded to my mail in the first place...All the chat that would have happened was checking the whereabouts...where in life he is now, what's happening with him yada yada...both of us would stay there...each of us not going beyond the permitted limits of friend zone and then getting back to the path of lies. Good it didn't happen...that's what I feel after clearing my heart through this post!