After my last post - "Sense" - I wanted to immediately follow it up with a post on Shiva. I wasn't totally clear on all that I was to write about, but something was brewing inside me and it just needed some expression. Yet, I was not feeling sufficient at that moment to get it out, so kept this post on hold ..... until now, ofcourse. Even now, I'm not clear what is it exactly that I want to write about, but I feel ready now and I hope my conscience would flow freely through my words. Even I'm curious to know what part of this infinite subject is willing to be worded out.
The word "Shiva" evokes different interpretations from different people. I don't intend to write about my interpretation about Shiva here explicitly now, because I guess, ever since 2012 I've already been writing about Shiva whenever I was talking about happiness, man and society, self, evolution, regulation, time, karmic debt, disaster, void, energy, man and woman, marriage, part and whole etc. I was not talking about Shiva explicitly of course, but in hindsight, I can see I was writing all that content, being in the state of 'Shiva' myself...some of it while I was in the state of 'Shava' though. Of course, not just ever since 2012...but ever since I'm born I must have been in the 'Shiva' state, going by that interpretation that "Shiva is all that is!" Just that, only since 2012, I woke up to know that I have been in that state, until when suddenly one day I flipped to the other state, the 'Shava' state!
I don't recall when exactly that 'Shiva' -> 'Shava' flipping happened. But the 'Shava' -> 'Shiva'
flipping...I think I'm completely aware of it. The transition happened during Sep 24 - Sep 26 (2016). This transition was very clear because now I'm able to perceive my pure self! Yayy!!! Yes, you heard it right, I'm able to experience that joy of being my pure self again! Over the past 4.5 years, I tried a number of times, to take stock of the process that was happening to me, but it remained elusive, because back then I was still experiencing that process which I wanted to take stock of...which I tried to make sense of! It isn't that I failed entirely then. I was partly able to put things into perspective and derive some direction for the journey further.
Oh, now don't assume that I'm able to perfectly put everything - all that happened - into perspective. In fact, now I don't sense the need to put anything into perspective. I don't feel the need to search for any further inputs and find a direction to move ahead. I just want to breathe calmly and draw in the joy of my existence. I think this was exactly what I have been waiting for. Remember? I said in my last post that I was waiting for 'something'. Yeah, I think that 'something' has finally arrived, it is THIS - My pure self! :-) Touch wood, let me just hope that this transition lasts and that there is no retreat to old phases.
This means a lot to me. I guess, I ceased to be my pure self since Jan 2012. I had some 'self', but that wasn't my pure self. So now, a random reader would be bogged by this reference to 'pure self' coming up again and again. So let me give my interpretation for this term. When one's soul is the sole guardian of one's consciousness, then that self is a pure self. The soul might still be taking inputs from other entities (as it normally would) but the other entities would not directly control the consciousness, one's soul must definitely serve as the intermediary and mediate between the consciousness and other entities. When other entities (external energy/consciousness/soul) directly affect the consciousness while one's soul remains passive, then that self ceases to be a pure self.
When a person undergoes Awakening process, that person is no more in the 'pure self' state! A part cannot awaken to the awareness of the whole in its pure self state. One cannot be one's pure self and yet experience other self. It is only one thing at a time. When one's soul remains passive, a part of one's identity is suppressed.
A reader who frequents my blog would find that I frequently bring up the talk on occurrence of PoE. But, I knew it pretty well, all along, that it wasn't PoE that I have been waiting for (though I'm sure I'd be in all awe of it and the transition aftermath, when it happens). PoE is such a big event...Earth and Humanity as a whole have a higher stake in such an event, than I as a person would have in it. So, what good is it if I just keep waiting for it? My stake in the event is as good as anybody else's. It is related to the Time of the Earth, so if it should happen now or later is the call of the Universe, of the Earth and of the Humanity as a collective force.
Until now, in this post, I've been referring to 'Shiva' as an aspect of the Universe. Now let me refer to this term as the deity Shiva. As I had mentioned before in my blog/book, I was not a Shiva devotee until 2012. Back then, I never even chanted his name while generally praying to the entity called God. To me, God was Narayana (Lord Vishnu). It's not that I did not like praying to the rest of the Gods, I just stayed oblivious of them. When the Awakening process started, I started getting aware of Shiva - both as the deity and as an aspect of the Universe (both the Saguna and the Nirguna form, the Saguna form was experienced first). Even as I continued on that path, for a long time I definitely felt that this deity is perhaps being overrated. Like, he is treated as both the Beginning and the End of the Universe...that he is everything - both the good and bad, the light and darkness, even the part and the whole. I used to be like...how can one deity be so many things, looks like he has taken all the power of the Universe, hoarding it without sharing it with others. There is certainly an air of enigma and mystery that surrounds Lord Shiva, I felt. The general perception is also that people cannot understand Shiva easily and that he is beyond the normal grasp and that it requires a lot of soul evolution for one to reach even the tip of understanding of what is Shiva. I was pretty comfortable being a Vishnu devotee until then and experiencing the awareness of Shiva was NOT easy for me initially. Not at all.
Every aspect of me was challenged, the core of my being was shaken and I had to shed many layers of my self and transform myself at many levels. Many ideas, which I once took for granted, were debunked. I slowly started understanding why Shiva devotees are so madly, so passionately in devotion with Him. Shiva is Antarmukhi and He mostly dwells on Himself within Himself. In that sense, He is perhaps the most selfish and self-centred entity. And if there is only One Self available for one's reference, then what more can One do other than being Self-Centric?!? And when one is devoted to Shiva, a Narcissist, one cannot help but be deeply passionate in their devotion, because they are devoted to one who is passionate about Himself. The lore on Shiva reflects this - the mad devotion people have for Him.
This is perhaps only a very minor reason behind such a mad devotion. But the most important aspect about Shiva is that He remains in the background and facilitates you to be yourself in the purest form. He never interrupts the evolution of a self, yet bears the collective Karma. Now come to think of this, one bears the collective burden yet does not interrupt the individual evolution and only facilitates one to unleash one's ultimate potential, now what can be more noble than that? Of course, I described it very superficially and there is definitely more to managing Karma...and I myself don't know completely about it. Being the One who manages Karma, redeems Soul, enables Recreation and ultimately facilitates the flow of Time, Shiva no doubt evokes mad fervour in those who are inclined to Him.
I can go on and on, but I know I will get lost. I already am...looks like that. I don't know where to start and how deep to get into. So I will stop here. The day before I wrote my last post "Sense", I listened to this song on Shiva and I was like - "What is this song? Lyrics are good, but it feels like a concoction of noises, an absurd mixture of different tunes! There seems to be no integrity of music flowing through the song..." But actually that's what He is, a Whole who bears the concoction of evolution of His parts. No wonder, I inadvertently started liking the song after listening to it a couple of times. My mind perhaps perceived an integrity, which it couldn't before.
Ah well, not that He would just bear the mere concoction of parts. He regulates too, to safeguard His Self that flows through His parts. We only get to see the bearing aspect of Shiva. It's very rare to get to see the regulating aspect of Him...very rare...happens at the end of time cycles. And a very rare generation of humans get to see/experience it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed to see if our generation makes it to become one such!