2516

Now that is the code for the "Energy Transmutation Corrections" arrived at, to deal with those heavy bouts of Energy and Consciousness entering me after Kundalini Awakening. The code was like the magical keychain dropped by the Universe as an acknowledgement to the sequence of energy phases I was consolidating then...back in January 2014. I thought "Awesome! What more, I'm reaching the end of this process!" That was one of the peak phases of synchronicity. Little did I know then, that I would not experience so much of synchronicity again (I haven't experienced it strongly again after that, at least so far). Also I didn't know there was so much of work left over for me to do after that - at least three more pieces of work still left over - balancing the consolidated energies, experiencing void and disaster energy phases.

I didn't know I was trying to arrive at some corrections, when I decided sometime during July 2013 to counteract the forces affecting me severely. I don't know if 'counteract' is the right word to use. I felt I had a choice of how to deal with the forces instead of simply surrendering to them by "letting go" the chance to put into action my instinctive gut responses to those impulses(causative forces) arising out of outside me. I was not sure if allowing the energies to act upon me as they wish, was in my interests. I did not feel good that way, so I decided to exercise my choice. That made me feel better, though that involved quite some work...of meditating especially. Basically, being mindful of what I'm doing and exercising discretion while handling energy, driven by the idea that not all energy is good! (for me!)

All through out my Awakening process till then, I would receive guidance/information through meditation or through constant observation of the world around me by processing the events happening around and I would suddenly get an acknowledgement from the Universe affirming that what I've been assuming so far was right. When, in doubt, I get the acknowledgement repetitively thus reinforcing the acknowledgement. It is rarely that I get the input first through synchronicity and then I act on the inputs. It's the other way round wherein synchronicity was used to acknowledge my inferences. This event was exactly one of such occurrences. I kept a number to represent individual energy phases and finally I was trying to sequence them and just as I had arrived at that energy sequence, the Universe thrusted upon me that number to let me know that the sequence was just right. At least, I'd consider that as right for me, since that definitely acted like a drug to process the extremely heavy bouts of energy and consciousness into free flowing streams. In fact, that was an important milestone for me, but it later led to different phases. The later phases (Balancing, Void and Disaster phases) have been more painful, so naturally one might question the righteousness of that sequence. But somehow, I have no doubt about the sequence as my instinct strongly suggests me that these later phases, though painful, are required for the culmination of PoE (Precession of Equinoxes) process in spiritual plane, so that it manifests in the physical dimension.

Again, I don't know if painful is the right word to describe these phases. I don't know if one calls 'numbness' pain! At one point, I decided I would commit suicide in case I don't stabilise before my expected timelines. The deadline was breached, but by then there was no "I" to kill myself, but strangely I was still there. I don't know how to describe this strange paradox - "I" was not there, but I was there. I did not "feel" the triggers needed to kill myself, but whatever was left of me - that was not sufficient to live. I constantly felt like dying, because I was not able to sense the "I" within me and at the same time, it was difficult to take the plunge to kill myself because there was no "I" to do that. I don't know who was the subject (the first "I") in the sentence - "...because I was not able to sense the "I" within me" - what was it that was trying to sense something within myself that did not seem to exist, I don't know.

Months passed by in this strange paradoxical numbness. Mind used to stand still often, but it did not seem like my mind blanked out. I was aware that my mind was still during such moments, rather extended time periods. Perhaps, my soul was watching out my mind getting still into an "impulseless" state. But again, I doubt if my soul was active at all during that time because the life I led at that time felt so soulless. I'd guess that all that was alive during that time was the connection between my consciousness and the earth's consciousness, with my consciousness remaining passive. And perhaps that's what made me sense whatever I was sensing at that time.

To lead life this way when the world around me was moving constantly was the real test. People around me were making progress, irrespective of the progress being constructive or destructive. Even doing daily chores meant some progress for me. Almost two years vanished this way for me. In the last two years, when I was not doing the balancing act or not experiencing the disaster energy, I was experiencing this void. While the first two phases were painful by themselves, I loathed the very idea of having to experience the void phase and all the three were recurring a number of times. It was like that "Kavacha kavacha" moment in the Telugu film "Bhairava Dweepam". Just as a grave rests equally still whether in a hot desert or in a frozen winter storm, the pain whether hot or cold melted still as if packed neatly into the mould that is my body. The pain decayed and decayed multiplying itself to become a bigger ghost.

Amidst all this, my relationship with my family suffered heavily. It's better I don't speak about it here for pages will ooze out if I start it. Whenever instability raged within me, I started venting out the unsolicited truths which nobody wanted to hear, which offended everybody. I wondered when there was no "I", where did all this ego and sensitivity flare up from. It was a late realisation that the sum of some egos made up for the absence of my soul.

All said, truth doesn't always make you win. It might not win you people or money, but it definitely sets you free. But before that, it is said, it pisses you off first. Sharing this code out here in this blog, I hope, would set me free.