So today is Karthika Pournami - the full moon day in the month of Karthika. I guess this day might hold some importance as I move towards the future and look back, for reasons other than that it is Karthika Pournami. Today it seemed that I started getting into alignment with myself. Yes you read it right! I started getting into alignment with myself! Which very much means that I was not in alignment with myself before! The last time I was in perfect alignment with myself was in Dec 2011, as far as I remember. Of course the perfect alignment might not have happened yet, but it definitely seems to have started.
Until yesterday night, the last 12 days were hell. Literally hell! It was one of the "worst" forms of suffering according to me. If you ask me, what is the worst form of suffering, I'd say, that phase in which one is not aligned with oneself is the worst form of suffering one can experience. Yes, I understand pain. And I know there can be things more painful than this! But any pain which is inflicted by something outside you is a tangible explainable pain...one that earns empathy and can be healed more or less due to the very reason that such pain must have been experienced by somebody else too in this world. Yes, somebody outside you inflicted it on you, so there is every chance that such pain is a common occurrence in the world and if not that, in worst case scenario, at least it must be a pain that is quantified by the world in some or the other way - because somebody might have inflicted it on somebody else too. But pain that is experienced by a person purely inside oneself, merely due to the reason that one is not in alignment with one's higher self, yet when all appears fine on the outside, can be one of the worst forms of suffering ever.
Of course, this suffering did start in 2012 itself. The culmination of it seemed to begin in August this year. But the culmination cycles were not easy, they recurred again and again and every time the pain only seemed to increase, when I thought it should be the other way round. Maybe indeed it was the other way round, but since I was running out of patience, it seemed to be increasing. After all, pain is so subjective to person, circumstances, environment and a lot many other factors! Perhaps they recurred with a varying periodicity of 15 days, 1 week, 3 days (with a break when I travelled to a different place) and then finally continuously ever since Nov 13/14. I'm not sure, I just didn't take any keen note, but that's what I remember as I look back.
One's self not being in alignment with one's higher self can also translate to, one not being in sync with the societal consciousness around. When do you think that happens? More often than not, you might see yourself not agreeing with the ways of society. I think that is a commonplace especially in the current times. But one not agreeing with the ways of society and one's consciousness being totally out of sync (infact as if exactly oppositely aligned) with the societal consciousness, are two extremely different things. In the former case, though you merely do not agree with or do not like the ways of the society, you still are willing to live in the framework knit by the society, you still are living on the terms and norms laid down by the society and your life still is fashioned by the society's morality/consciousness (or whatever you might want to replace those terms with!). But in the latter case, you are not willing to continue living the same way, infact you are unable to do so, infact your existential scales have changed so much that you are completely crippled and disabled to continue living in the old ways. Call it disability or unwillingness, the trigger is always a huge emotional vaccuum/spiritual void inside.
So, it is under such circumstance that one starts drifting away from societal consciousness. But that said, it is important that one finally is in alignment with the society. But that need not necessarily mean that the person has changed again to get into societal alignment. It might also mean that the society has changed itself due to same or different triggers, but finally that change has steered the society on a path which is very much in phase with the path of that person who went out of alignment earlier. Here, there are two possibilities. Either the person has waged a battle, fought for a cause and made the society understand that it needs to change. Or the society had different triggers which necessitated a shift from the status quo, while the person remained on his/her own disconnected from the society without fighting anything or anybody because there is no audience to fight, but caught up in a whirlpool of internal turmoil. I can, without any doubt say that the former possibility is impossible. No, I wouldn't even say it's close to impossible, I can very surely say it's impossible.
It is not possible for any single person to bring a paradigmatic shift in the society. In fact, it's not even that there is only a single person in counter-alignment with the society. Many people could be in misalignment, but that misalignment might not be in sync so as to foster a group. Each of them is drifting away from the societal consciousness, but the drift is not constant and each of them is pulling in different directions. The only thing common is that there is "some" misalignment, but the misalignment is again at a personal level for each of those persons! If a group was formed then that conflict and misalignment too is very much part of societal consciousness, but that's NOT the kind of misalignment we are looking at! The misalignment here is totally in a different dimension that can neither be embedded nor embraced by the societal consciousness. Hence such a misalignment ought to happen at a personal level and that would never foster a group consciousness to fight the conflict.
Well, now each of those persons is not fighting the society because their only enemy is void and there is nobody to fight, so all they are left to do is struggle within self. Now, tell me, how good would it be, if all of a sudden they jump to a phase of alignment because the society has changed?!?! It is exactly in that phase, I'm in now and I'm loving it!!! Touchwood, I'm really loving it! I wish it only continues to happen further and manifest in totality and reality. I sense a lot of gratitude towards my own self and also towards every force that enabled it to happen! One might ask, one being aligned to one's own self is the most natural state one must experience and has all the rights to do so, so why any gratitude? But tell me, is it not possible that I or somebody similar to me perish like this due to misalignment, just because there is no force ready to act on it? Is it not fair that unfair things do happen because nobody understands/is willing to take up the cause? Is it not natural that people do not get things that they otherwise naturally have rights to own?
Yes, that's why, though it is a natural state, since it is I, all by myself, with all my consciousness, who swerved away from that natural state, I do feel a lot of gratitude towards "all" those forces which worked towards restoring me to my natural state! Thank you Universe!
In fact, when I started out with that title, I intended to write about moon, but I ended up with different things. I guess I'm good at being articulate about my pain even when the rest of the world around me does not understand it. I will write about the moon tomorrow!